So, a few days ago, Randall Sherman invited readers of his blog to be interviewed by him, and having never been interviewed for anything, EVER, I jumped at the chance.
Here’s what went down.
1. You find yourself on Gilligan’s Island. The question: Ginger or Marianne?
Ok, first of all, you’re going to have to spell her name right. It’s Mary Ann, hands down.
2. What is the one place you must visit before you die?
This is such a good question that I wish I had a great answer. Unfortunately, I am not one of those people who just “have” to see the world. But having said that, there are places that I wouldn’t mind seeing: the Alps, the Irish countryside, the Scottish Highlands, Stonehenge, the Louvre, Petra, Rome. Really I’m fine with anything anywhere, so long as I’m with friends.
3. The President, the bipartisan leadership of Congress and the Supreme Court are summoned to listen to you for five minutes. What is your topic and thesis sentence?
I have a couple of thoughts here:
- I could perform John Cage’s 4’33″ and then follow it with my own composition “27 seconds of inexpertly played hand bells accompanied by enthusiastic humming.”
- Staring contest. No talking, no blinking.
- As I would most certainly suspect a trap, I would construct a completely life-like automaton of myself and observe from a safe distance while my mechanical friend thrilled them with feats of legerdemain and verbal frippery. Toward the end, I would pelt them with olives.
More seriously, I have no idea what I would say to these men and women. It’s too tied up in why they are listening to me, in the setting and the nature of our meeting, in the millions of reasons that have brought us face to face. Though based on my thoughts right now, I imagine the theme would be something along the lines of, “The Federal Government is not God”, and toward the end… I would pelt them with olives.
4. You’re driving across the Great Plains on a long road trip and can only take six CD’s for the changer in your car. What are they?
Sound of Charles’ wife whispering in his ear, explaining, then speaking even slower, repeating it a second time…
Oh, which CD’s… Can’t I just take my iPod?
More whispering, slightly more stern, slightly exasperated.
Fine, fine, I get it. It’s an exercise. Six CD’s, in no particular order.
- Rushmore: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
- Patch the Pirate: The Misterslippi River Race (Big Toe just cracks me up…)
- Pachelbel’s Greatest Hit: The Ultimate Canon
- Shoes For Industry! The Best Of The Firesign Theatre
- The Princess Bride: narrated by Rob Reiner
- Beautiful Hollywood
Now, someone might argue that some of these are multi-CD collections and that, as a result, this is more than six CD’s, but luckily for me, I purchased a six-title CD changer, so it’s ok.
5. You find H.G. Wells’ time machine, but you can use it only once. Do you go to the past or to the future? Why?
I’d sell it on Craigslist.
Why? Because I’d figure that God would never let me get away with going 50 years into the future and buying a copy of The History of Sports, back copies of investing magazines, book and movie reviews and then coming back and… that’s right… predicting it all on my blog.
More whispering, bordering on shouting, angry gesticulation
I mean, making gobs and gobs of money… from my blog revenue…
So, if after having read all that, you’d like to be interviewed by me, feel free to leave a comment and a valid email address and sometime in the next few days, I’ll email you five or six questions and you can either mail them back or post them on your blog. Either way, I’ll either post them or link to them and then you can have the same warm feeling that I’m feeling right now. I think it’s from the head wound…