On the birth of my daughter

It’s Labor Day, and my wife is in the throes of delivery. At first glance, this is not a place for a man to be. There is pain, but I can not bear it, there is work to be done, but I can not do it. My love is lying in a bed and she is aching and I am reduced to holding her hand and watching the contractions come one after another. On the monitor beside the bed, the readout show each contraction’s intensity. They have been steady at 50 and 60 for several hours now, but numbers are often misleading. The scale goes up to 100, so 50 can only be so bad, I think to myself, knowing the foolishness of the thought even as I think it. For my wife, 50 means that she leans forward in the bed, her toes curling, her breathing rapid. When it’s over, she smiles faintly. “Thirty hours since the first contraction”, she says, “I hope it’s not much longer.”

It isn’t. It’s only ten minutes later that I hear a sound from Susan that I’ve rarely heard in the eight years I’ve known her. She is slumped sideways in the bed, and she is weeping. On the monitor thick black lines – two mountains – tower over the previous hills. They leave the scale at 100, heading off the chart for who knows where. I hug Susan. She is trembling, her lips parted, but no sound emerging and in that moment I am forcibly reminded of Genesis 3:16, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children”. This is sin, I think, a down payment on death. A man and woman sinned, a piece of fruit was eaten and this exists to remind us. It exists for no other reason than that. It is the reason that there are thorns and weeds, it is the reason that men must work and sweat, it is the reason that my sister’s baby died. It is the reason that I and my wife and our children will die one day as well.

It is only a few minutes later that the midwife tells us that Susan can begin pushing and it is only an hour later when we first see our daughter. She is beautiful, with her mother’s dark almond eyes and my thick brown hair. The room is not quiet by any stretch of the imagination, it is bustling with people and activity, nurses cleaning and talking and clearing away the soiled detritus of delivery, but to me, the room seems silent. To me, it has become a sanctuary. I stand there, wearing what I am sure is a foolish smile on my face and I hold my daughter in my arms. Behind me, the contraction monitor is still, the thick black lines long gone from the screen, the thoughts of sin and death pushed aside by this glorious reminder of life. I stand in the room and hold my daughter and then I hand her to my wife. She is smiling.

12 thoughts on “On the birth of my daughter”

  1. Having been at the birth of my own daughter I can still remember the profoundness of the experience. Quite beautifully written !

  2. Having been at the birth of my own daughter I can still remember the profoundness of the experience. Quite beautifully written !

  3. Ivan,
    Thanks for the kind words. The birth of this daughter has been trying and has caused us to call upon the name of God. There is a great deal of joy in that.

    Thanks for stopping by,
    Charles

  4. Ivan,
    Thanks for the kind words. The birth of this daughter has been trying and has caused us to call upon the name of God. There is a great deal of joy in that.

    Thanks for stopping by,
    Charles

  5. It’s not too personal, Ivan. [Edit: I’ve moved the answer to this question here. I apologize if this causes anyone any convenience.]

    Thanks for the question, I hope I didn’t ramble on too much.
    Charles Churchill

  6. It’s not too personal, Ivan. [Edit: I’ve moved the answer to this question here. I apologize if this causes anyone any convenience.]

    Thanks for the question, I hope I didn’t ramble on too much.
    Charles Churchill

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