The Audit

The Audit

They will show up at your door, and you will be expecting them. They will, of course, be on time. They will be wearing suits, black and flat, made of fine Italian silk. Their shirts are always white or cream, bright and starched, and their ties are serious and dark. They will stand in the doorway and smile and shake your hand, and make comments about how hot or cold or wet it has been of late. They will bring a present for your wife.

When you invite them in, they will stand awkwardly in your living room or den or foyer saying nothing until you ask them to sit. Then they will sit down on your couch and will accept the coffee that you offer them. They will make small talk with you, while your wife fills their cups, and then they will quickly drink it, no matter how hot it is, they will not let it cool, they will drink it down and then they will thank your wife and smile, baring straight white teeth.

They will have the records with them, printed on neatly folded paper in clean dark lines. You are free to have your own lawyers and accountants look at them if you wish, but no mistakes will be found. Others have paid more than you have ever owned looking for errors and have found none.

They will be patient with your questions, and will take whatever time is needed to satisfy you, but in the end, you will agree with them. You will hear yourself say, everything seems to be in order. You may think to ask if there is not a need for signatures and if you do, they will make a sound like laughter, high and tight in their noses. It is not a pleasant sound, but they will make it and they will say that no, there is no need for signatures today. That was taken care of years ago, are you quite sure that you don’t remember?

This is when you must be brave. The knock at the door will be the knifeman. He will be dressed in black as well, but his clothes are made of a coarser cloth. Under his arm he will carry a case, also black, and he will ask that you clear a place where he can unroll it. His knives are sharp and bright and there are so many of them. Do not worry about whether you will panic. You will not. You will stand still in your living room, your wife standing beside you, and you will ignore the scream that lodges in your throat, the voice of what can only be your soul as it tells you to fight, to turn and flee, to do anything but stand and watch this happen. You will ignore it. You have been trained well. You will stand still while your wife stands and watches, while the knifeman makes the incisions, while he flays the skin and drains the blood. You will not feel a thing is all that he will say to you and when you hear it, you will wonder, perhaps the very last thought you will ever have, have I ever?

http://bittersweetblue.blogspot.com Ariel

The major impression this piece leaves me with is the shock of the final paragraph. I still grasp the idea that a contract has already been made, and that it’s non-negotiable, almost Faustian. There’s also the elusive sense, based on the last sentence, that real reaction, real emotion, real living, has been gradually eroding over the years… It’s a gripping read. My question is, what do you want the reader to take away? What’s impression do you want to stick?
http://bittersweetblue.blogspot.com Ariel

The major impression this piece leaves me with is the shock of the final paragraph. I still grasp the idea that a contract has already been made, and that it’s non-negotiable, almost Faustian. There’s also the elusive sense, based on the last sentence, that real reaction, real emotion, real living, has been gradually eroding over the years… It’s a gripping read. My question is, what do you want the reader to take away? What’s impression do you want to stick?
http://gymbrall.wordpress.com/ gymbrall

Hey Ariel, I appreciate the feedback! I want the reader to wonder at this man’s unlived life, and to ask themselves what could lead to such a state. I considered making it more overtly Christian, but it felt too preachy. If you have any suggestion on how I might better do that, I would certainly appreciate the help.

Thanks again,
Charles
http://gymbrall.wordpress.com/ gymbrall

Hey Ariel, I appreciate the feedback! I want the reader to wonder at this man’s unlived life, and to ask themselves what could lead to such a state. I considered making it more overtly Christian, but it felt too preachy. If you have any suggestion on how I might better do that, I would certainly appreciate the help.

Thanks again,
Charles
http://www.mcseavey.org/blog MardÃ©

The implication being that the man led an inauthenic life? And are we to assume that the truly Christian life, the life lived in Christ, would have been authentic? In other words, “Boy, I’d better get on the ball and become a Christian real fast or I’ll end up like him, self-satisfied but never having felt a thing of reality!”? Or, maybe I’m misinterpreting the entire thing. Much apology if I am. But if I become a true Christian I certainly don’t want to do it through fear but through love. Also, very few of us can become true saints. But thanks, Charles, for this interesting story. I think Pedro in Sartre’s “The Wall” might be amused by it, if he paid any attention at all. After all, he started out to help the oppressed in that Spanish Civil War so many years ago and look where it got him.

Best regards,
MardÃ©
http://www.mcseavey.org/blog MardÃ©

The implication being that the man led an inauthenic life? And are we to assume that the truly Christian life, the life lived in Christ, would have been authentic? In other words, “Boy, I’d better get on the ball and become a Christian real fast or I’ll end up like him, self-satisfied but never having felt a thing of reality!”? Or, maybe I’m misinterpreting the entire thing. Much apology if I am. But if I become a true Christian I certainly don’t want to do it through fear but through love. Also, very few of us can become true saints. But thanks, Charles, for this interesting story. I think Pedro in Sartre’s “The Wall” might be amused by it, if he paid any attention at all. After all, he started out to help the oppressed in that Spanish Civil War so many years ago and look where it got him.

Best regards,
MardÃ©
http://thepreacher.cac2.net Charles

MardÃ©,
You’re not misinterpreting the gist at all. Though, the get on the ball bit is a bit different that what I would hope for (in the sense, that you can’t “get on the ball” and become a Christian)

But if I become a true Christian I certainly donâ€™t want to do it through fear but through love.

I don’t know. Christ seemed to be clear that we should repent to escape the coming judgement. He says that fear of God is the beginning of knowledge and understanding, implying that we cannot know love apart from fearing Him. Granted, it’s not the kind of fear that left Tom peeing his pants, but it’s not that far away. A God as awesome as Jehovah claims to be, is something to be feared indeed.

I appreciate you coming by. Don’t fear that you’ll offend me with what you say (I mean, if you’re obscene, I may delete your comment, but it won’t be because I’m offended) If you must fear anything, I’d say fear God and know His son Jesus Christ.
http://thepreacher.cac2.net Charles

MardÃ©,
You’re not misinterpreting the gist at all. Though, the get on the ball bit is a bit different that what I would hope for (in the sense, that you can’t “get on the ball” and become a Christian)

But if I become a true Christian I certainly donâ€™t want to do it through fear but through love.

I don’t know. Christ seemed to be clear that we should repent to escape the coming judgement. He says that fear of God is the beginning of knowledge and understanding, implying that we cannot know love apart from fearing Him. Granted, it’s not the kind of fear that left Tom peeing his pants, but it’s not that far away. A God as awesome as Jehovah claims to be, is something to be feared indeed.

I appreciate you coming by. Don’t fear that you’ll offend me with what you say (I mean, if you’re obscene, I may delete your comment, but it won’t be because I’m offended) If you must fear anything, I’d say fear God and know His son Jesus Christ.

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